Chapter 5

Ms. Carter had a box of tissues on her desk and two small chairs beside the window. Malik chose the chair nearest the door.
I sat beside him.
“You can tell me if I get anything wrong,” Ms. Carter said to him.
He nodded.
She explained that Malik had come to her after the dinner Monique and Ava attended without him. He had worried that talking to me would make life harder at home.
“Has anyone told you not to talk to your dad?” she asked.
Malik looked at his shoes.
“Monique says he’s tired when he gets home. She says I should let him rest.”
I kept my hands clasped in my lap.
“What happens when you need something?” Ms. Carter asked.
“Sometimes I wait until Saturday.”
“And if it can’t wait?”
“I ask her.”
He said Monique usually helped with school things. Then he hesitated.
“What is it?” I asked.
“When Mom was alive, she made this little book with me. It has pictures and recipes. I couldn’t find it last month.”
My chest tightened. Malik’s mother, Tasha, had died when he was six. That book was one of the few things she had made with him.
“Did you tell Monique it was missing?”
“She said I was old enough to stop carrying it around.”
I closed my eyes for a moment.
Malik touched my arm.
“I found it later,” he said quickly. “It was in the garage.”
“The garage?”
“In a box with old stuff.”
I had moved boxes there while clearing space for Ava’s desk. I might have put the book in one myself.
“Did you see who moved it?” Ms. Carter asked.
“No.”
I was glad she asked. I didn’t want Malik to feel he had to guess. I told him we would bring the book inside and give it a place where he could always find it.
We talked for half an hour. Malik told us which days he felt anxious and which adults he trusted. He liked Ava. He wanted Monique to stop acting annoyed when he asked to join them.
As we stood to leave, Ms. Carter suggested a counselor outside school for Malik and family sessions if everyone was willing. I took the information.
In the car, I asked what he wanted for lunch.
“Can we make Mom’s noodles?”
Tasha’s recipe was in the book. I hadn’t made it in years.
“We’ll find it first.”
At home, we searched the garage together. The book was inside a box labeled DONATIONS in Monique’s handwriting. It sat beneath some outgrown clothes and a cracked lamp.
Malik lifted it out and brushed dust from the cover.
I tried to remember when Monique had packed the box. She had been sorting the garage the week before. I could think of no reason she would have put the book there by accident.
Malik opened to a page where Tasha had drawn a smiling tomato.
“She thought that was funny,” he said.
“She laughed every time you pointed at it.”
“I remember.”
I made lunch while he read me the recipe. We got the noodles too soft. He said they still tasted right.
When Monique came home, the book was on the kitchen counter.
She stopped when she saw it.
“Where did you find that?” she asked.
“In the donation box,” I said.
“I was clearing old things out. I must have put it there without looking.”
“Malik asked you about it last month.”
“I thought it was upstairs somewhere.”
“You told him he should stop carrying it around.”
Her cheeks flushed.
“I was trying to help him move forward.”
I looked at the book. Its cover was worn where Malik’s hands had held it.
“He decides when he wants to look at his mother’s book.”
Monique took a breath.
“I can see I hurt him. I’ll tell him I’m sorry.”
She went to Malik’s room while I stayed downstairs. I couldn’t hear what she said, but a few minutes later she came down alone.
“He thanked me,” she said quietly.
I went upstairs after her. Malik sat on his bed with the book in his lap.
“How did it go?”
“She said she was wrong to put it in the box.”
“How do you feel?”
He thought for a moment.
“I’m glad it’s back.”
I didn’t ask him for anything more.
That evening, Ava came into the kitchen while I washed dishes.
“Mom talked to Malik,” she said.
“She did.”
“I hope they can get along.”
“So do I.”
Ava leaned against the counter.
“She told me once that Malik didn’t like going places with us. I believed her because he was quiet in the car.”
“He was quiet because he felt left out.”
“I see that now.”
I handed her a towel. She dried a plate, then asked whether I was angry with her.
“No,” I said. “You can tell me what you know. You don’t have to defend anybody.”
She nodded.
Before bed, I called a family counselor. The first appointment was available the following week. Monique had said she would try it. I booked it for the four of us and checked the time with her.
She agreed.
I wanted to feel relieved. Instead, I thought of Malik asking whether I would believe him.
I went to his room and found him putting Tasha’s book on the shelf beside his bed. He moved his school books aside so it had space.
“Looks good there,” I said.
“Yeah.”
He turned to me.
“If we go to counseling, do I have to say everything in front of Monique?”
“No. We’ll ask how it works. You can tell me if you need to speak privately.”
May you like
He nodded and switched off his lamp.
I left his door partly open, the way he liked it.