Chapter 9
Winter break brought me home for three weeks.
Dad had left my room as it was. He had added a small desk lamp because I had complained about studying in the overhead light. Grandma stocked the fridge with food I liked, though I kept telling her I could shop for myself.
For the first few days, being home felt easy.
Then Vanessa asked to meet me.
She didn’t ask through Dad. She sent a message directly, saying she wanted to apologize before the new year. She offered to meet at the café near the bakery and said she would understand if I declined.
I read it twice.
I could still see her standing in my bedroom, telling me not to cry over “a cheap dress.” I also remembered her coming to the bakery and admitting she had failed to protect me.
I asked Dad what he thought.
“I think you should decide whether you want to hear her,” he said.
“You won’t be upset if I go?”
“No.”
“Or if I don’t?”
“No.”
I agreed to meet her for half an hour. I chose the café because I knew the owner and could leave whenever I wanted.
Vanessa arrived early. She looked tired, but she smiled when she saw me.
“Thank you for coming.”
I ordered tea. She waited until we both had cups before speaking.
“I told myself I was keeping peace in the house,” she said. “I let Mia hurt you because I was afraid she’d be angry with me if I stopped her.”
“You could have told Dad about the form.”
“I know. I watched you search for it, and I chose not to say anything.”
I looked at her. “I thought you didn’t believe I deserved college.”
“I did believe it. I was afraid of what Mia would do when she felt left behind, and I made that your problem.”
She wiped her eyes. I let her have a moment.
“I’m sorry I made home feel unsafe for you,” she said. “You were a child in my care.”
I had waited years to hear her call me that.
“Did Dad tell you I used to hide my good news?” I asked.
“He did. I didn’t believe him at first.”
“I hid my scholarship email from Mia for two days. I was scared you’d say I was showing off.”
Vanessa covered her mouth. “I’m sorry.”
I believed she was sorry. I also knew I would need time before I trusted her with anything important.
“I’m glad you told me,” I said. “I don’t want to start visiting or calling right now.”
“I understand.”
I finished my tea and left after the half hour we had planned.
Walking out, I felt lighter than I expected. Vanessa had finally named what she did. I had told her how I’d lived with it. Neither of us had asked the other to pretend we were close.
Dad was making lunch when I got home.
“How did it go?” he asked.
“She apologized. I told her I need distance.”
“Okay.”
“That’s all?”
“That’s enough.”
I helped him slice tomatoes for sandwiches. I wanted to ask about his marriage, but I waited until we were eating.
“Are you and Vanessa getting back together?”
“No. We’ve decided to divorce.”
He said it plainly. I reached for his hand.
“I’m sorry.”
“So am I. We’ve spent time talking. We both understand more about what went wrong, but we don’t think living together again would be good for us.”
“Did I make it harder?”
Dad shook his head. “You told me the truth when I finally listened. I’m glad you did.”
He told me he would keep communicating with Vanessa respectfully. Mia could see him if she wanted to, though he wasn’t going to ask me to join them.
I could see he was grieving. He could also look at me without the worry that used to sit between us at dinner.
A few days later, Mia asked whether I wanted to meet at the bakery after her shift. I had no plans that afternoon. I said yes.
We sat by the window with two untouched muffins.
“I paid you back,” she said.
“I know.”
“I started talking to someone at school,” she went on. “I keep telling her I was jealous. She keeps asking me what I chose to do with it.”
“What do you tell her?”
“That I hurt you.” Mia looked down. “And I tried to take college from you because I wanted you to feel stuck too.”
I believed her. I remembered the cuts on the application and the message to the housing office.
“I’m doing well there,” I said. “I have a roommate I like. The grant made it possible.”
“I’m glad the office called you.”
“So am I.”
Mia finally looked at me. “I don’t expect us to be sisters again.”
I thought about the few good days we had shared when we were younger. We had stayed up late watching movies once. I had taught her how to make pancakes without burning them.
“I don’t know what we’ll be,” I said. “I’ll decide as we go.”
She nodded. We finished our muffins and went our separate ways.
May you like
That night, I pinned a photograph from campus beside the one from graduation. I was standing with Tori and Janelle, laughing so hard my head was tipped back.
I liked looking at the person I was becoming.
