Chapter 4
I don't remember getting into the police car.
I remember the siren.
I remember Marcus sitting beside me, his hands clasped so tightly that his knuckles had turned pale.
And I remember whispering the same prayer over and over.
Please, God.
Not my baby.
Not my Lily.
Officer Bennett had agreed to take us to a secured staging area near Cedar Ridge, where other officers could keep us informed.
The road seemed endless.
Every turn made my stomach tighten.
Every delay felt unbearable.
When we reached the lakeside road, I saw smoke rising above the trees.
I screamed Lily's name.
Marcus caught my arm as I tried to open the door.
"Nia, please."
I pushed him away.
"She's in there!"
A firefighter ran toward our car.
Officer Bennett stepped outside to speak with him.
I watched their faces.
I watched the firefighter point toward the cabin.
I watched Bennett look down.
My heart nearly stopped.
He returned to the car.
"Mrs. Bennett, crews are searching the property."
"Is she inside?"
"We don't know."
I tried to get out again.
He gently stopped me.
"It's not safe."
I had never hated those words more.
Not safe.
My daughter had been missing for nearly a week.
Nothing had been safe since the moment she disappeared.
Marcus stood beside the car.
He looked toward the smoke.
"That's my fault."
I turned on him.
"Not now."
"I brought Vanessa there."
"Marcus, stop."
"If I'd never—"
"Not now!"
My voice echoed across the road.
Several officers looked toward us.
I didn't care.
I couldn't carry his guilt when I was barely surviving my own fear.
Minutes passed.
Then a firefighter emerged from the trees carrying a small pink backpack.
My knees buckled.
I knew that backpack.
Lily had decorated it with silver stars.
She wore it whenever we went on family trips.
The firefighter handed it to Officer Bennett.
He opened the front pocket.
Inside was a purple hair ribbon.
Lily's favorite.
I reached for it.
My hands were shaking so badly that I could barely hold it.
"Where is she?"
No one answered immediately.
Then Officer Bennett said, "We haven't found anyone inside the cabin."
I stared at him.
"No one?"
He nodded.
"At this point, that may be good news."
I held the ribbon against my chest.
I wanted to believe him.
A detective approached with a photograph.
It showed tire tracks near a dirt path behind the property.
Someone had driven away before firefighters arrived.
Officer Bennett studied the image.
"Do we have a vehicle description?"
"Possible white utility van."
Marcus looked up.
"Daniel has a van."
The detective turned.
"Are you certain?"
"He used one for construction jobs. White Ford Transit. Older model."
Officer Bennett immediately relayed the information.
I stared at Marcus.
"Why didn't you tell them sooner?"
His face collapsed.
"I didn't think about it."
I looked away.
I was tired of the things Marcus hadn't thought about.
His daughter.
His promises.
His marriage.
The danger standing right in front of him.
But I couldn't afford to waste energy hating him.
Not while Lily was missing.
We returned home that evening without her.
I walked into her bedroom and sat on the edge of her bed.
Everything was exactly as she had left it.
Her stuffed rabbit sat against the pillow.
Her reading book was open on the nightstand.
A little drawing was taped to the wall.
Three stick figures holding hands.
MOMMY.
DADDY.
ME.
She had drawn it before Marcus left.
I pressed the paper against my chest.
"I'm coming, baby."
Behind me, Marcus stopped in the doorway.
He looked around the room.
I watched him notice the empty photo frame on Lily's dresser.
There had once been a picture of him holding her at the beach.
She had removed it two weeks after he left.
He picked up the frame.
"Where's the picture?"
I looked at him.
"She put it in a drawer."
His throat moved.
"Why?"
"Because seeing you made her cry."
He sat down slowly.
I had never seen Marcus look so small.
He used to fill every room he entered.
Confident.
Loud.
Always certain he knew what was best.
Now he stared at his daughter's empty bed like a stranger.
"I thought she'd be okay," he whispered.
I shook my head.
"Children don't stop needing their parents because the adults get tired of responsibility."
He covered his eyes.
"I know."
"No. You know now."
We sat in silence.
Then Marcus noticed a notebook beneath Lily's pillow.
He reached for it.
I almost told him to leave it alone.
But something made me stop.
It was her little pink diary.
The one with the broken lock.
Marcus opened it.
The first page had a drawing of a heart.
Inside were three names.
Nia.
Marcus.
Lily.
He turned another page.
The writing became shakier.
DADDY DIDN'T CALL TODAY.
Another page.
I WAS GOOD AT SCHOOL. MAYBE HE WILL CALL TOMORROW.
Marcus began crying.
He turned another page.
I DON'T WANT A NEW DADDY. I JUST WANT MINE.
I closed my eyes.
I had read those words before.
But watching him discover them felt different.
For months, Lily's pain had been invisible to him.
Now there was nowhere left to hide.
Then Marcus stopped turning pages.
His expression changed.
"Nia."
I looked up.
"What?"
He pointed to the final page.
There was a drawing of a gray car.
Beside it, Lily had written:
THE LADY SAID DADDY HAS A SURPRISE.
Underneath was another sentence.
SHE SAID I SHOULD COME ALONE OR MOMMY WILL RUIN IT.
My heart began pounding.
Marcus reached for his phone to call Officer Bennett.
But I was staring at something else.
At the bottom of the page, Lily had drawn a small building.
Above it was a crooked sign.
I leaned closer.
Three words.
BLUE STAR MOTEL.
I knew that name.
It was an old roadside motel nearly an hour from Cedar Ridge.
And suddenly I remembered something from the night Lily disappeared.
A receipt.
A crumpled receipt I had found near our driveway.
I had thrown it into the kitchen drawer because I thought it was trash.
I ran downstairs.
Marcus followed.
I pulled open the drawer.
There it was.
A faded receipt from the Blue Star Motel.
Dated October nineteenth.
The night my daughter vanished.
May you like
And printed at the bottom was a room number.
Room 214.
