Chapter 5
Marcus did not contact me for six days.
During those days, I stopped trying to guess what his silence meant. I went to work, came home to Imani’s apartment, and wrote down everything I remembered about Andre. Every meeting. Every message. Every moment when I had chosen to hide something from Marcus.
I did it because I had kept changing the story in my own mind.
When I read the pages back, I saw a woman who had felt flattered by Andre’s attention. I saw how eagerly I had accepted his complaints about Serena and offered mine about Marcus. I had not meant to leave Marcus, but I had let Andre become the person I called when I was upset.
It was painful to admit. It was also true.
I found a counselor and made an appointment. I went alone.
She asked what I wanted.
“I want Marcus to trust me again,” I said.
“What if he doesn’t?”
I stared at my hands. “Then I still have to understand why I lied.”
For the first time since the dinner, I made a choice without imagining how Marcus might respond to it.
On Friday, Serena called.
“Andre moved out,” she said.
“I’m sorry.”
“I asked him to. He kept saying the messages were out of context.”
I sat at Imani’s kitchen table. “What do you need from me?”
“Can you meet me tomorrow? Somewhere public.”
“Yes.”
We met in a park near her mother’s house. Serena wore the gray coat I had once complimented at a birthday party. Seeing her in it brought back the ease we had shared before I hurt her.
We sat on opposite ends of a bench.
“I read the messages,” she said. “You knew he was my boyfriend.”
“Yes.”
“And you knew me.”
“Yes.”
“That’s the part I keep coming back to.”
I could feel tears gathering, but I did not want her to have to comfort me.
“I’m sorry, Serena.”
She watched a child race past us toward the playground.
“For two days, I wondered whether I’d been a bad girlfriend. Andre made it sound as if we’d already drifted apart. He’d been talking about getting a place with me.”
“He told me you barely spoke.”
“He lied. And you didn’t ask me.”
“No.”
“I’m trying to work out what I can trust,” she said. “I don’t need you to make that easier. I need you to answer me honestly.”
I did.
She asked whether Andre had ever said he loved me. Whether I had gone to his apartment. Whether there had been plans for another night. I answered each question, including the ones that embarrassed me.
When we stood to leave, she said, “I don’t know if I’ll ever want to be your friend again.”
“I understand.”
“I wanted you to hear it from me.”
“Thank you for meeting me.”
She walked away, and I stayed beside the bench until my breathing steadied.
That evening, Marcus called.
“I talked to Serena,” he said.
“How is she?”
“She’s hurting.”
“I know.”
He was quiet for a moment. “She said you answered everything.”
“I tried to.”
“I keep reading that message. The one about missing him.”
“I know.”
“When you told me about that night, I thought you’d regretted every second after it. I needed that to be true.”
“I’m sorry I let you believe it. I felt ashamed of it later, but I did mean it when I sent it.”
The line went silent.
At last he said, “I’ve been sleeping at my brother’s place.”
“I didn’t know.”
“I can’t stay in the apartment right now.”
I pictured him carrying an overnight bag into his brother’s guest room. He had lost the comfort of his own home because of what I had done.
“Marcus, I’m so sorry.”
“I called because I need to ask something.” He took a breath. “Before that dinner, were you going to see Andre again?”
“No. I was afraid he would keep contacting me. I hadn’t decided how to tell you.”
“Then why agree to dinner?”
“I thought Serena would be there, and we could act normally.”
He let out a weary breath. “That night, I was happy to see my friends.”
“I know.”
“I can’t talk anymore.”
The call ended.
On Monday, Andre contacted me through my work email.
Serena told Marcus about us. You owe me one conversation. I can’t lose everything while you play the victim.
I forwarded it to Imani and saved a copy. Then I wrote one reply.
Do not contact me again. I will not meet you. I’ve told Marcus and Serena the truth about my choices.
I blocked the address.
Two hours later, my manager asked me to step into her office. Andre had called reception and asked when I finished work. He had said he was a family friend.
May you like
My manager had refused to give him my schedule. She wanted to know whether I needed help getting home.
I sat down before my legs gave way.
