Chapter 7
Ethan kept his word.
The investigator called after he gave his statement. She could not discuss everything he had told her, but she asked me to confirm several dates and messages.
I answered as carefully as I could.
There was no pleasure in hearing that the inquiry had moved forward. There was relief, though, in no longer being the only person saying aloud what had happened.
Helen and Ethan’s attorney worked through our finances. Ethan had used more from the shared account than I knew. Some transfers had gone toward his business. Others had paid rent on the apartment where he had met Lauren.
I had to leave Helen’s office when I saw the dates.
One payment came the week of our seventh anniversary.
I stood outside beside a row of parked cars, trying to breathe. Helen followed me but did not speak until I did.
“I made him a card that week,” I said. “I wrote that I was glad we still chose each other.”
Helen waited.
“I want that money accounted for.”
“It will be.”
The divorce agreement took weeks to shape. I wanted the house and Ruth’s personal belongings protected. Ethan wanted credit for the improvements he had paid for. We agreed on a fair amount after reviewing receipts.
Against that, Helen counted the money he had taken from the shared account for expenses he had hidden. When the figures were complete, Ethan owed me a smaller but significant sum.
He sold his car to make the first payment.
Margaret called after she heard.
“He needs a car to see Oliver,” she said.
“He and his attorney agreed to the payment schedule.”
“I know. I’m trying to help him find another one.”
“That’s between you and Ethan.”
She hesitated.
“I wasn’t calling to ask you for money.”
“I’m glad.”
“I was calling because I wanted you to hear that I understand why he has to repay you.”
It was the first time she had said that without adding an excuse.
“Thank you, Margaret.”
She sighed.
“I wish I’d said it sooner.”
“So do I.”
Dad had been with me for nearly six weeks by then. His hip was stronger, and he was ready to go home. I helped him pack his books and the old radio.
“Will you be all right here?” he asked.
“I think so.”
“I can stay another week.”
“You’ve stayed long enough to remind me I can ask for help.”
He smiled.
“Call anyway.”
The first night alone was difficult. I heard the radiator click and mistook it for someone coming through the front door. I checked the locks twice.
The next morning, I asked Daniel to show me how each lock worked. He did. I also put a lamp by the hall table and invited my friend Priya for dinner.
By the weekend, I was sleeping again.
One afternoon, Lauren called.
She sounded nervous.
“I’m sorry to bother you,” she said. “Ethan wants Oliver to meet his grandmother. Margaret says she’d like me to bring him to your house when she visits.”
“My house?”
“She said you wouldn’t mind because you’ve been kind about the baby.”
I sat down.
“I have no problem with Oliver,” I said. “But Margaret needs to ask me before making plans at my home.”
“I thought so. I told her I’d check.”
“Thank you.”
Lauren was quiet for a moment.
“I’ve been reading the messages Ethan sent when we met,” she said. “I’m trying to understand which parts were true.”
“You may never get a neat answer.”
“No.”
“Are you and Oliver safe where you’re staying?”
“Yes. Tessa’s been wonderful.”
“I’m glad.”
She paused.
“I told Ethan I won’t make promises about us. He can be Oliver’s father and still give me time.”
“That sounds fair.”
“I didn’t expect you to say that.”
“I want Oliver cared for. I want you to be able to make your own decisions.”
After we hung up, I called Margaret.
“I hear you suggested a visit here,” I said.
“I thought it might help everyone.”
“You needed to ask.”
“You’re right.”
I waited for the explanation that usually followed. None came.
“I’d like to see Oliver,” she said. “I’ll ask Lauren to meet me at my place.”
“That’s your choice.”
I felt a small shift between us. It was not forgiveness. It was the beginning of a conversation in which she heard the word no.
Two weeks later, Ethan received a formal charge related to the loan application. He called me that evening.
“I know you’ve heard,” he said.
“Yes.”
“I’m going to accept responsibility.”
I looked through the window at Ruth’s garden. The first flowers had begun to open.
“I hope you do,” I said.
He swallowed.
“I also wanted to tell you I’ve started counseling.”
“For Oliver?”
“For him. For me. I kept telling myself I had no choice until I believed it.”
I sat in Ruth’s chair.
“You had choices, Ethan.”
“I know.”
May you like
We talked for less than five minutes. When we hung up, I did not feel better about what he had done.
I did feel certain I no longer had to carry his excuses for him.
