Chapter 5
The first week at home was full of small alarms.
Lily hid crackers beneath her pillow. She asked before drinking water. When Emma closed a door too quickly, Lily jumped.
I wanted to tell her she would never need to worry again. Dr. Sayeed, the child psychologist who began meeting with her, helped me understand that Lily needed to see what happened each day.
So I kept my promises where she could watch them.
If I said breakfast was at seven, I was in the kitchen at seven. If I said Tessa would pick her up while I met Grace, Tessa was there. We wrote the day’s plan on a board in the hall.
Emma wanted everything to feel normal right away.
“Can Lily come to preschool with me?”
“Not yet,” I said. “She has appointments first.”
“Can she use my crayons?”
“Yes, if she asks.”
Emma looked offended. “I gave her the good ones.”
The girls drew together after lunch. Lily often watched Emma before choosing a color. They were sisters, but they had only just met. I tried to let them find their own way.
Ms. Ortiz visited twice. She spoke with Lily and checked how we were doing. Grace sent the hospital records and other proof of my parentage to the court. The missing name on Lily’s birth certificate would take time to correct, but the temporary plan remained in place.
Patricia’s attorney kept writing. She insisted Daniel had taken Lily improperly and that I did not know her needs. Detective Harris’s investigation into the locked room and the false account of her death continued.
I hated each letter. Grace told me to keep our answers factual.
“Patricia can make claims,” she said. “We’ll show Lily’s records, the staff statements, and what she has told the professionals working with her.”
At one appointment, a doctor explained that Lily had mild hearing difficulty in one ear. She could understand speech and would benefit from support in noisy places. She had also missed some early learning opportunities. None of it explained why anyone had hidden her.
“Can I still go to school?” Lily asked.
“Absolutely,” the doctor said. “We’ll find the right help for you.”
She looked at me.
“You heard that,” I said. “We’ll do it together.”
I thought of Vanessa’s claim that Patricia could care for Lily better because of her hearing. Patricia had used a manageable need to separate her from us.
One evening, Daniel came to the house. Lily wanted to see him. I let him in after speaking with Ms. Ortiz about the visit.
She ran to him when he entered.
“You found Daddy,” she said.
Daniel crouched and held her.
“I should have found him sooner.”
She didn’t answer. She showed him her room instead.
After she went to draw with Emma, Daniel asked me to step into the kitchen.
“Mom told me Vanessa had finally agreed you’d meet Lily this year,” he said. “I wanted to believe her.”
“Did she say that every year?”
“Something like it.”
“Why bring Lily to the wall?”
“Mom had arranged a place out of state. Lily heard them talking and thought she’d never find you. She told me she knew where Emma lived because she’d heard our mother say the street name.”
He wiped his face.
“I thought if I brought her here, Vanessa would finally tell you.”
“You should have knocked on my door.”
“I know. I was afraid Mom would arrive and take her before we could explain. Then Vanessa insisted on hiding her until she spoke with you.”
“I’m glad you got her out of Patricia’s house. I’m not going to pretend the wall was safe.”
“I wouldn’t ask you to.”
I looked through the doorway. Lily was showing Emma how she could draw a bird with only three lines. Emma copied her.
Daniel had failed her. He had also been the one who finally moved. I could hold both truths.
A few days later, Vanessa asked Dr. Sayeed whether Lily might someday want to speak with her. Dr. Sayeed said Lily should decide the pace and that Vanessa needed her own counseling.
Vanessa began going. I was glad she had started. I was nowhere near ready to trust her.
That weekend, Emma asked me why her mother wasn’t living at home.
“She told me something untrue for a long time,” I said. “We’re getting help figuring out what happens next.”
“Did she tell Lily she was dead?”
I sat beside Emma. She was four, but she had heard more than I realized.
“She told me Lily had died. Lily was alive.”
Emma thought about that.
“Mommy should say sorry.”
“Yes.”
“Can she still love us?”
“She can love you and still have done something very wrong.”
Emma put her head on my shoulder.
On Monday, Lily woke from a nightmare and asked if the funeral meant I had wanted to forget her. I held her while I tried to find words that would not make another promise I couldn’t prove.
“I thought I had lost you,” I said. “I remembered you every day.”
“Did you have a picture?”
“Only the one of us at the hospital. I can show you.”
She nodded.
We went downstairs together. I found the photograph Daniel had brought. Lily touched the tiny bundle in my arms.
“That’s me?”
May you like
“Yes.”
For the first time, she smiled at the picture instead of looking afraid of it.
