Chapter 10
Six months later, I arrived early for my appointment with Dr. Chen.
I still felt nervous in medical waiting rooms. I knew the smell of disinfectant and the sound of a name called from behind a door could bring back weeks I would rather forget.
But when the receptionist confirmed my appointment, I did not wonder whether I could pay for it.
My results were stable. Dr. Chen went through them carefully, then asked how I felt.
“Good,” I said. “Some days I still get tired.”
“That may happen. You know what to watch for, and you’re keeping your appointments.”
I told her I had started walking in the park after work. I had even asked my supervisor about taking on more hours at the library.
“Take the extra hours because you want them,” Dr. Chen said, smiling. “Give yourself time to rest too.”
I thought about that on my way home. For years, rest had felt like something I needed to earn.
I had invited my family to dinner that evening. Marcus came first and helped me carry a table leaf up from the building’s storage room. Mother arrived with vegetables from Aunt Ruth’s garden.
Madison and Daniel came together. They had married at the courthouse the month before. I had attended with Marcus and Mother, then gone with them for lunch.
The ceremony had been small. When Madison saw me waiting outside afterward, she had come over and thanked me for being there. I was glad I had gone.
In my apartment, Marcus chopped onions while Mother washed the vegetables. Madison asked where I kept the plates.
“In the cupboard above the sink,” I told her.
She took them down without asking me to sit or telling me I looked tired. It was such an ordinary moment that I nearly missed how much had changed.
Daniel set the table. We talked about work, Aunt Ruth’s garden, and a mystery novel I had persuaded Marcus to read.
Dad was absent. His sentence had begun, and none of us knew what our relationships with him would look like afterward. I had written him once to say I received his apology and needed more time. That was all I was ready to give.
During dinner, Mother asked whether I was still considering the larger apartment I had seen near the library.
“I am,” I said. “It has a little balcony.”
“You should take it,” Madison said.
“I haven’t decided.”
“I know.” She smiled faintly. “I’m practicing.”
We laughed. Madison blushed, then laughed too.
After we ate, she helped me clear the table. In the kitchen, she noticed the bowl she had given me beside the sink. I had used it for salad.
“You use it,” she said.
“Of course.”
“I wasn’t sure you would.”
I rinsed a plate. “I like it.”
She handed me another. “I’ve been thinking about the club.”
I turned off the tap.
“I keep seeing you kneel down for those pieces,” she said. “I let you do that.”
“Yes.”
“I’m going to remember it,” she said. “I want you to know I’m trying to be someone who would help you stand up.”
I looked at her. I could see she meant it. I could also remember the slap as clearly as ever.
“You can keep trying,” I said.
She nodded, and we finished the dishes together.
When our guests were leaving, Mother lingered by the door.
“Could we have lunch next week?” she asked. “Just us?”
“I’d like that.”
She hugged me. These days, she waited for me to hug her back. I did.
Marcus was last to go. He checked that I had put the table leaf away, even though I told him I could do it in the morning.
“Walk in the park Sunday?” he asked.
“Yes. Bring coffee.”
“You always make me buy it.”
“You always offer.”
He grinned and pulled me into a hug.
After he left, I stood in my quiet apartment. There were plates to dry and a chair to move back against the wall. My body was tired from a full day, but it was a familiar, manageable tiredness.
I picked up my phone and looked at the photograph Daniel had taken before dinner. Marcus was laughing, Mother’s hand rested on the table, and Madison leaned toward me. I was smiling.
May you like
I set the phone down and carried the last plate into the kitchen. Through the window, I could see the streetlamps coming on. My next appointment was on the calendar. The people who loved me knew where I lived, and I could call them whenever I needed to.
I placed the clean plate in the cupboard, turned off the kitchen light, and went to bed feeling safe.
