Chapter 9
Diane did not see the children for six weeks.
Marcus spoke to her twice about the condo. Pearl helped her meet with a housing counselor. Diane sold her car, cut expenses, and made a plan with the lender. The plan was hers to manage.
At home, we worked on the part she could not fix with numbers.
Ava met with the school counselor. Eli asked the same question at bedtime for several nights: “Are you both going to be here in the morning?” We answered every time.
Marcus and I started counseling too. The first session was uncomfortable. I told him how lonely I had felt after June was born, even with him beside me. He told me he had hidden how frightened he was about the shop because he thought I already carried enough.
We learned to tell each other the truth before our silence gave someone else room to speak for us.
One Saturday, Ava asked about Diane while we folded laundry.
“She sent me a card,” she said.
I knew. Marcus and I had read it first, then given it to her. Diane had written that she was sorry she lied and that Ava had done the right thing by playing the message. She had not asked Ava to visit or forgive her.
“Would you like to write back?” I asked.
“I might.”
Ava smoothed a towel across her knees. “If I see her, will she tell me it was your fault?”
“I don’t think she will. If she does, you can tell us and leave.”
Ava nodded. “I want you there.”
“I’ll be there.”
Marcus asked Diane to meet us at Pearl’s for twenty minutes. Pearl agreed to stay in the room. Eli wanted to come, but we decided Ava should have her conversation first. Lena took him to the park with June.
Diane was already sitting at Pearl’s table when we arrived. She looked at Ava and began to stand, then waited. Ava chose the chair beside me.
“I got your card,” Ava said.
“I’m glad.”
“You said I did the right thing.”
“You did. I lied about what your dad knew. You told the truth.”
Ava’s hands were folded tightly in her lap. “Why didn’t you want us to come home?”
Diane took a breath. “I wanted your dad to let me stay in your house because I was having money trouble. I was too embarrassed to ask him. I made a plan that hurt you and your mom.”
Ava looked at her. “Did you want Mom to go away?”
“Yes,” Diane whispered. “I thought if she stayed with Aunt Lena, I could move in for a while. I was wrong to try to make that happen.”
Marcus reached for Ava’s hand. She let him hold it.
“I thought you left because I played the message,” she said.
Diane’s face crumpled. “You didn’t make me leave. I had to leave because of my choices.”
Ava stared down at the table for a long time. Then she said, “You made star pancakes.”
“I did.”
“I miss those.”
“I miss making them for you.”
Ava looked up at me. Her eyes were wet, but she seemed steadier than when we had arrived.
“I don’t want pancakes today,” she told Diane.
“That’s okay.”
“Maybe another day.”
Diane nodded. “If your mom and dad say it’s all right, and if you want to.”
On the drive home, Ava held my hand across the back seat. She did not say she had forgiven Diane. I did not ask her to.
A week later, Eli chose to visit for a few minutes with us. He asked Diane whether she still had the puzzle they used to do together. She did. They placed six pieces before he wanted to go home.
We kept the visits short. Diane respected that. When she wanted to bring the children a gift, she asked first. When I said no, she accepted it.
One afternoon, she called me directly.
“I found another copy of the statement in my desk,” she said. “I’ve destroyed it. I wanted you to know.”
“Thank you for telling me.”
“I also owe you an apology that has nothing to do with the paper. I made you feel unwelcome for years.”
I leaned against the kitchen counter, looking at the ordinary mess of cups and crayons.
“You did.”
“I thought Marcus’s life was supposed to follow the picture I had made when he was young. I kept measuring his happiness against that picture. I should have listened to him, and to you.”
I did not know what our relationship would become. I told her so.
“I understand,” Diane said. “I’m going to keep doing the work, whatever you decide.”
After the call, Marcus came into the kitchen. I told him what she had said.
“How do you feel?” he asked.
“Like I can breathe when I hear her voice now.”
He slipped his arms around me. From the living room, Eli called us to see what June had done.
May you like
She was sitting on her own for the first time, wobbling between two pillows while Ava cheered.
I rushed to the floor beside her. June tipped toward me, laughing, and I caught her before she fell.
